Our society is obsessed with physical appearances that it seems to consume our everyday lives from the latest weight loss diet and to makeovers but all of that still leaves many so empty inside. It is an emptiness that haunts so many people each day, but yet we tend to put on a facade to make it seem as if everything is okay.
When I am on social media, I find it so interesting how we attempt to put forth the best show for the world to see, but there is so much more going on behind the scenes. I never knew how so many people are incomplete and undone on the inside, yet the outward appearance is so made up to make it seem that everything is fine.
And that was me.
I never wanted others to know what I truly felt. Everyone always thought I was a happy and nice girl when inwardly I felt like a monster. I never let anyone come in because I did not want anyone to see the real me. I strived so hard to be perfect but it felt that every move I made would take me four steps backward. The problem was I was trying to fix myself on my own but I was just making a huge mess. I struggled for the longest with my self-esteem, using my accomplishments as a shield for my insecurities. I was always trying to be what I thought others wanted me, to think the way society wanted me to think instead of being who God made me to be.
It wasn’t until I had to face myself and finally stopped trying to please everyone else besides God. I had to go to God with my struggles and it was not until then did I finally find peace, comfort, and received real deliverance.
My cry over and over was that God would just make me over. I did not want to be what society wanted me to be. I did not want to be who I thought I should be. I wanted to really be a new creature in Christ where all things would have passed away. I just wanted God to strip everything that was not like Him and to put on more of His attributes. Until I stopped trying to go my own way and finally completely surrendered to God did I find that God was the only one who could fill the empty void in me. No more feelings of unworthiness or feeling unloved because I know where my source comes from now. I am not saying that I don’t have days when those thoughts may come to my mind, but now I don’t have to face them alone anymore. Instead, I can just go straight to my loving Father and know that He has me wrapped in His arms.
Just like the woman at the well in the Bible (John chapter 4), she was looking for something to fill the void inside of her only to find out that Jesus was the only One who could satisfy her longing for love and acceptance. She looked in all of the wrong places only to find out that man was not enough. Our hearts were created by God and were only made to be filled by Him. Food, people, drugs, money, relationships, etc. will never be enough. I love what Jesus says to the woman at the well when He meets her, saying
But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. (John 4: 14)
That was what I was also missing in my life. I desperately needed God to fill my life. Yes, I was already a Christian but I did not allow God to fully fill my life. It seemed that I held part of myself in reserve, but I was only keeping myself back from being fulfilled. I was like Israel in Jeremiah 2:13, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
But I don’t have to be that way anymore and neither do you. Just admit to God that you need Him, ask Him to fill you up, and surrender your doubts and your fears to God and allow God to fill your heart.
I had to learn that having God to fill you should be continuous, not just a one-time prayer. There are days where you will feel drained or
that the weight of the world is on your shoulders. There will be other times when the sun is shining bright and that you will feel that everything is fine. But no matter whether you are going through a sunny or dark season in your life, you will always need God. David says it best in Psalms 63:1
“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” Psalm 63:1 (NIV)